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Sunday, 27 May 2012

The Farm

Today I went back to my birthplace. It was, quite literally, the place where I was born, back in 1965. It's not far from Tenbury Wells, in a fairly isolated place down a long steep hill and with extensive views over towards Clee Hill. It is no longer a working farm as such, that all came to end when my father pulled out of farming in the early 1970's. The large acreage of apple trees was pulled up and the greenhouses full of tomatoes and lettuces were dismantled. It never really became profitable and my father then left the family to pursue an isolated career as a painter and shunning all mod-cons.

The landscape here is beautiful and the photo doesn't do it justice. There are steep hills, old apple and cherry orchards and steep sided wooded gullys full of wild garlic. All on a deep red clay soil that is characteristic of the area.

Although the place still carries a sense of isolation and long lost rural idyl, it has changed. All the old tumbled down cottages that I remember as a child are now more like executive dwellings. An old road we used to drive down over a stream is almost undiscernable beside a newer crossing. I can still find the dam my father built across a stream to provide a source of water for irrigating his crops, though it has all silted up. A row of lombardy poplar trees planted as a windbreak for an apple orchard still stands as an unusual looking hedgerow in the middle of two fields of sheep.

I go back there every few years or so. I wanted to go back there again now because I knew it would look wonderful in the spring, but also because I have been trying to look back at my childhood as an aid to sorting out a few things from a psychological view. I thought it might be an emotional visit, but somehow it wasn't what I was expecting. In a sense I feel I could be 'returning' here for while. My mother is returning to Tenbury Wells to live in a retirement home and so I might be spending a bit more time re-visiting this area when I come up and stay. It feels odd in a way that I remember a landscape here that younger people or those moving into the area will probably not be aware of. I am aware of my age and sense of history and how my father worked and changed the landscape here and his legacy can still be found if you look hard enough.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

More Rain and the Challenge of Change

April has been the wettest on record I think and the first week of May has got off to a cold and wet start too. I spent most of the first bank holiday weekend out on my bike getting very cold but enjoying new sets of gear and chain cogs and a new chain. I did some sketching on the iPad but it was a struggle to keep warm in the wind. Seeds that I have sown seem to be having a slow start and are barely moving but my potatoes have just broken through the surface of their buckets or on the allotment. I sowed some more parsnips as there is still no sign of the ones sown a few weeks ago. Oilseed seed rape and bluebells are in flower and May blossom is just beginning to break bud.

My boss at work has decided to move on to pastures new and this is rather sad and upsetting for me. I haven't ever met anyone who took me on such an encouraging and supportive journey with my artwork before - we had an excellent rapport with each other. I have certainly moved forward hugely in my creativity and become (I think) a valued part of the company with whom I work. There will be significant changes and I am not sure how it will affect me but then that is what happens in work. There is always change and people are often transient. Friendships can be made, links are broken, seeds are dispersed and new beginnings made. Business is hard and I will have to keep focused on my future, my self-awareness and my ability to find strength and security in my path of belonging. Although I will be grieving the loss of a highly valued colleague, I must look upon the situation as a new place of learning, a new place in which to build relationships and a new place to develop my creativity.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Pain, Rain, God is Female, Healing and Resurrection

Pain
Writing seems hard work these days. Too many other things seem to grab my attention and it all seems like hard work and rather a chore to sit down and be philosphically creative. I have to find my own inspiration too, and sometimes I just want to give up and possibly return to private journalling. Work takes much of my energy and I haven't been feeling too well recently. Somehow I feel that life is an uphill struggle and just keeping on top of day to day things is difficult. But then perhaps I just want to do too much. Some people seem to have endless energy - why can't I?


Rain
April showers and more showers - for about a week now. Cold nights and variable days. The soil is now wet and workable. I planted my onions, potatoes and sowed some parsnip seeds and a few other bits and pieces a couple of weeks ago but it has been too cold to get much else going.

Oilseed rape is colouring the landscape yellow and bluebells are appearing. Blossom is everywhere. Blackthorn is fading now but apple blossom will be out shortly. Have seen brimstone, peacock and orange tip butterflies. Chestnuts and hawthorn are well into leaf and tulips look stunning in the garden.


God is Female
There is a good tv series on BBC2 at the moment called Divine Women. It is basically about how ancient cultures were more female orientated and this was swept aside by more patriarchal systems such as Christianity which has continued to the present day.

I like the idea of exploring the more feminine side of God and even perhaps acknowledging there could be a She rather than a He. From a nature based creative viewpoint this is a rather pleasant idea. The universe is all about giving birth to creation; the nurturing of life on this planet; the protection of ecosystems; the caring of people etc. Male paternalism and domination seems exploitative and devoid of the awe and beauty that sustainable and resilient societies need. It may be just romanticism, but perhaps that is what we need to survive these days if we want an alternative to consumerist post-modernism.

Anyway, I have always related to women better than I've related to men. So a female God is fine by me.

 
Healing and Resurrection
My drive for self-healing from the acid-reflux problems I get is high and I was out last Friday morning for a walk before work to get a bit of fresh air that I feel I am severely lacking. I contemplated the idea of the resurrection and prayed about it, wondering how it could relate to me, to healing, to nature, to creation etc. I was walking down a path I hadn't been along before and as I approached a small 'interesting' place of trees and hedges at the corner of several fields I decided to ask for a sign to do with resurrection. To my surprise I came across something unusual and out of place in the context of where I was walking. It was a branch on the ground with some blue twine tied round it. Wood and binding - symbols of the cross and the ropes used to bind Jesus. This was a rather surprising find. Meaning: not sure. I am rather inclined to take the resurrection story as a myth because science, logic and my experience of the world leads me to be sceptical of taking the Biblical account literally. And I don't need to at the moment because I can take its meaning in a more mystical way and see it as a symbol of transcendence. Can I transcend the pain and discomfort I feel? How can I find healing? What is the cause of the burden I carry that I can rise above? Resurrection gave me thoughts to ponder.

Interestingly I then found myself walking directly across the fields to a church and then saw another symbol: a perfect wooden cross in a back garden. Perhaps this was a message from above telling me to repent and go back to church! Perhaps I read too much into what I was seeing as my mind was attuned to a particular line of thought. Perhaps church would be my healing... but this sounds too much like pandering to the Christian mindset I have seen in people and it isn't what would be true to me. But the idea of resurrection is there and needs exploring.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Paths

From 'Creation Spirituality' Matthew Fox, 1990.

'The Spirit is life, rush, breath, wind. To be spiritual is to be alive, filled with rush, breathing deeply, in touch with the wind. Spirituality is a life-filled path, a spirit-filled way of living. ... A path is a meandering walkway-you do not rush or even drive down a pathway. A path is not goal orientated. A path is THE WAY itself, and every moment on it is a holy moment; a sacred seeing goes on there.'

Sunday, 18 March 2012

On Spring, iPads and Atheism

Spring is arriving. The days are a mix of warm and cold with still no sign of any significant rain thus much of the east of the country is suffering from a drought. Plants in flower at the moment: coltsfoot, violets, snowdrops, daffodils, wild plum, dandelions. Saw a comma butterfly in the garden last weekend and the occasional bumble bee and wasp is about. Ladybirds can be found in odd places too. Oilseed rape is growing quickly but it isn't warm enough to start doing any planting in the garden or the allotment.

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Just a couple of days before the release of the iPad 3 I decided to buy an iPad2 - mainly because the price had dropped by £70 which made it seem more affordable.  I was inspired by seeing David Hockney use one and got quite excited about the possibilities it could offer. After trying several drawing and painting apps, Artrage and Sketchbook Pro are my favourite and these are very versatile and great fun to use. I went out on the bike today and spent some time 'painting' out in the local countryside. I was really pleased with the results though it wasn't really that warm and my hands froze.

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Reading 'Creation Spirituality' by Matthew Fox. Excellent.

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Just been to Hitchin Christian Centre where the atheist philosopher Julian Baggini was being interviewed. An interesting evening, not much of a debate - just an armchair chat. Think that if I was standing in the middle and had to decide which way to lean it would be towards the atheist side with a faith that was far more holistic in content.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Landscape of Ice

North Herefordshire, 11 February 2012
Morning walk: Lyepole/Paradise Bridge - Sned Wood - Lower Lye - Barnett Wood - The Camp - Upper Lye. Afternoon walk: Shobdon Hill Wood.


Riverside Dawn
I arrive at Paradise bridge at around 5.30am on a cold, frosty morning. There is a small stream tumbling off the hillside and I park the car by this so that I can listen it as I doze in the car for an hour or so. The moon is bright and the landscape far from dark. It is bitterly cold and a hard frost has brought ice to everything. Apparently there was a slight dusting of snow yesterday and now, under the moonlight, the hills and fields reveal their silhouettes even though the sun will not rise for another hour or so.

The last couple of weeks have been very cold with snow and frost in many parts for the country. I left home in Bedfordshire yesterday with several inches of snow on the ground and had decided not to camp out in the car overnight this time just in case it was too cold. I actually felt cosy as I lay back in the car for I had piled on the layers and covered my legs and feet up well to keep warm.

A gentle breeze bites through me as I walk out into the brightening landscape. Some cloud obscured the moon a little while ago but the day is forecast to be clear and sunny. The blue-grey hazy hills around me look stunning against the grey sky and pale frosty fields. This is a landscape I feel at home in, and one that draws me back time and time again. The river gurgles gently under the old stone bridge. Blackbirds begin to chatter and an occasional dipper flies by with its distinctive 'cheep cheep'. I always seem them here. After the warmth of January this cold spell is a reminder of how winter can take hold any time. February often used to seem a dark and dead month in my younger days - the very end of the past year before nature springs to life. But now signs of spring can be found earlier each year. All is very still around me. It is almost as it the frost comes and asks all to "stand still". A leaf hanging above me on an oak tree just moves very slightly in the soft breeze. The river and stream move, but otherwise everything just seems to be as still as it can. I hear a few tits nearby.

The sky brightens and clouds in south east have pale pink bases but it will be a while yet before this place in the shadow of the hills will see the rays of the sun. I saw otters here a few years ago but I don't feel I will see any today. The river water looks cold and uninviting. The surrounding fields are empty of sheep; I hear a buzzard up above me over Sned Wood; I hear a woodpecker drumming in the distance; pigeons fly past very so often, always from east to west - presumably leaving their night's roost. All the conifers on Mere Hill and Shobdon Hill Wood are outlined in frost and look very decorative. This is a beautiful place and I always look forward to returning to this part of the country. It isn't a stunningly dramatic place but it was a subtle attraction that I never tire of. Later I watch a heron fly slowly over the riverbank keeping low to the ground and then heading downstream just a few feet above the water. Eventually the sun rises above Mere Hill Wood and the landscape is bathed in the pale golden light. Colours awake and the cold seems to become less intense. I think a kingfisher flies past, not that I see it but I'm sure I recognise its call. There are several blue tits in an ash tree by the bridge.

Hills of Ice
I climb up the 'scenic' route onto the forestry track along the edge of Sned Wood. This involves a rather steep, nearly impossible, informal climb straight up the side of the hill through the trees. I disturb a woodcock which takes off through the trees - I see one later in the day too. This is one of the few hills I have never walked over before even though it is mostly forestry land. The heavy frost covers the ground and everywhere is covered with beautifully big ice crystals. My footsteps crunch through the dead leaves with a seemingly deafening sound amidst the silence. I don't like making a noise in nature, it always seems un-natural and inappropriate.

At the top of the hill I stand in the more open space between the oaks and look around. The sunshine pours through the trees. Suddenly I become aware of the ice that surrounds me, not just the crystals of frost that cover the ground, but actual ice. Against the sun on the larches I notice how every twig is covered with a thin layer of ice - sparkling brightly in the sun like long necklaces of diamonds hanging from every branch. Yesterday's snow must have partly melted and then refrozen overnight. Grasses too are covered with icy jewels and even a cobweb looks like it is threaded with diamonds. I walk on and come to a silver birch - its deep red-brown branches and twigs are totally encased in brittle tubes of ice. On one branch, a patch of lichen inside a rounded blob of ice looks just like a round glass paper weight. Around me I can begin to hear the gentle drip of water as the ice begins to melt on the trees. (Later on in the day I walk up onto Shobdon Hill Wood which is a bit more wild and exposed. The scenery here was very dramatic with huge great swathes of the natural landscape covered with ice. Everything from grasses to each pine needle of entire conifer plantations were covered with a deep layer of ice. It was just like the whole landscape had been dipped into a pool of molten glass to create a brittle glass encapsulated sculpture.

Up on this hill today it is all about water and light. There is a sense of beauty and awe at the interplay between these two elements. There is the way that the frost lies on the landscape - what it touches and what it doesn't. Shapes and forms that may normally go unnoticed become highlighted. The shapes of twigs, the broad flat expanses of the fields in the valley, the outlines of leaves, the way the sunlight passes through the tall trees, the brightness of the sun on the frost, the darkness of damp tree trunks and the dazzling effect of the ice on natural surfaces.

Four Oak Trees
The trees stand in grazing pasture on the edge of a small hill in a quiet valley, surrounded by wooded hillsides. Icicles hang from the larger branches and I can hear the dripping melt-water in the warming sunshine. A robin hops from branch to branch near me as I sit on the grass and look at these silent friends. Its presence seems unusual in this setting and it the bears the only colour red in the landscape. Silently they stand, there is no wind today. I'm used to seeing and hearing trees when a wind makes their presence more noticeable, here we are both meditating upon each other in a landscape that breathes silence. The robin watches me and a blue tit flits among higher branches looking for things to eat. These are superb trees, probably once part of an old hedge that has long since gone as they stand out in the open but only a short distance on from, and in line with, a small trackway I have just walked down. Apart from the chirping of birds, the dripping of water, buzzard and a small stream down in the valley bottom there is no sound. The lichens on the branches are bright green in the strong sunlight and new buds are just waiting for the spring. In isolation, trees are so much more stunning and their shape, form and presence is so much more tangible. I just sit and look, being aware of their composition and presence in this landscape. I give thanks to whoever has left them here over the years to grow. Fortunately this is steep sheep pasture and unlikely to be ploughed or cleared. These trees have given to me today a gift of deep presence in a fairly hidden valley.

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Seashore

I am standing on the shore. Waves gently wash over the tumbling pebbles. Too and fro, in a rhythm of sound and voices that have sung continuously since their creation on this cosmic anomaly. Looking around I see the shore extending away from me - a place of constant movement and change between the land and the sea. The air is fresh and the water unpolluted, as it will remain so for millions of years to come. For I stand alone. The only one. There is no-one else, that is all to come. The pebbles are rounded and well worn, precious minerals gradually being eroded and dissolved into the sea. They have only just begun their journey of transformation into the web of life. I have not yet been created. Man has not yet been born, and yet here on this sea shore I feel the beginnings of his birth. Here, where water, air and earth meet life will begin its epic journey. If I were able to foresee, and with control over the deep creative energy that embodies the earth, would I allow the evolution those that would destroy this fragile creativity. I know what will happen to this place.

Picking up a pebble I hold it in my hand. It shines in the bright sunlight and its strong colours reflect the untouched beauty around me. One day this pebble may become part of me and we will touch again.