Up on Clun Forest

Last weekend I made a trip to Clun Forest right on the Welsh/Shropshire border. I had hoped to spend the time doing more writing than I did as I had planned it as a sort of retreat and a re-energising of my spirit. However, as usual, my precious time away whizzed by and it was easier just to enjoy the presence of being there rather than force anything that didn't want to flow. Here are some notes I made at the time with reflections added upon their write up. I wasn't going to write them up, but I am forcing myself to do so.

It is Friday evening, about 6.45pm and I am up in Clun Forest. I took the afternoon off work and about three and a half hours later I am overlooking the hills and valleys to the north west of Clun. It took me a while to decide where to park the car. It was a bit windy and the forestry tracks seemed to be well used by a variety of visitors and so finding a sheltered and 'safe' place was a priority. I found a place that felt right and cooked a small tin of stew and new potatoes on my gas stove.

Although breezy, it wasn't too cold. It was cloudy with patches of occasional sunshine. The views north were good with distant grey rain showers shrouding patches of the landscape. The last time I came up here was with my Father and that was the last time I would be with him. I remember the fine clear day gave us views right into the farthest distance and we were wondering if we could see Cadair Idris in North Wales.

As I write my notes the sky is clearing a little and the initial hazy moon is now bright in the clearing sky. It must be a full moon about now. The wind is still strong in the tall conifers beside me and I am sheltering in the car to preserve as much of my body warmth as possible. I can almost write by the moonlight, it seems so bright.

I haven't written much formally on this blog for many months though I have tried to get back into journalling. However, writing for 30 to 45 minutes a day is hard work and very time consuming. My mind seems to have wandered away from so much of my 'greenary'. Perhaps it is because work is so much more challenging and taking fulfilling many of my creative needs and energy. Also, I haven't been in places where I have been truly inspired. 'Nature time' seems more rushed and precious these days and the demands of everyday life seem to have taken over. Somehow I feel rather disconnected - and particularly after my permaculture course too, which is a bit odd. A reinforcement of green and ecological thoughts and values seems to have overloaded me and I've had to step back from it all. Bit bizarre and I'm not too sure where I am going... I hope that this weekend will be a turning point but I know I can't force anything - and I am on my own anyway.

I go for a walk. I forget how light it can be when the moon is out. I pass some trees and notice the different sounds that the wind makes in different trees. Conifers give a high pitched whooshing; beeches have a frenetic rustling of leaves; whilst some plain leafless trees in the hedgerow give an almost deep drumming sound.

A large aluminium foil baking tray makes an ideal small fireplace for me and I soon succeed in getting a small fire burning with some charcoal and a few small sticks. I am amazed at how much heat even a small fire gives out and I feel quiet cosy sitting beside it even though the wind is quite gusty. As the flames die to leave the constant changing patterns of the glowing embers in the breeze reflects the cloud moving in front of the moon. Always changing, always creating new patterns.

A group of people walk past - a couple of adults and a few children. Hmm, quite a busy yet isolated spot!

My bike had to sleep in the undergrowth whilst I lay in the car (I'd left the back seats at home). It rained quite heavily in the night and I did manage a few hours sleep. I awoke fully at around 5am with moonlight streaming in to the car. I got up shortly afterwards and went for a walk eastwards along the Kerry Ridgeway. It was wonderful to be out walking by moonlight and looking northwards in the valley towards Montgomery. I enjoyed just walking slowly, knowing that it wouldn't be getting light for a good hour and a half or so. I could thus just 'be', listen to the landscape around me and know there was no need to rush the walk for any reason. The shapes of the trees and the moon produced many wonderful silhouettes and long shadows. I did a good circular walk of perhaps three miles or so and arrived back at the car just as daylight was flooding the hill around me.

I moved the car round to the other side of the hill for breakfast. The wind had died down and I now overlooked the hills to the south west. The sun lit landscape was full of autumn colours and sparkling raindrops coated coated all the grasses after the night's rain. A flock of redshanks (or some other waders) shared a nearby bit of moorland with some sheep.

I went for a superb bike ride this morning. I followed the forest road westwards along the Kerry Ridgeway then dropped down to Anchor. then headed southwest along the ridge of Black Mountain towards Clun, but turned down to Newcastle before a very steep climb back up onto Clun Forest and the car. It was probably around 15 miles or so and actually felt quite an easy ride, but then I did get off and push the bike down or up the very steep hills. Views were superb in the clear autumn sunshine and the coolness of the morning did make it a very pleasant cycling experience.

In the afternoon I drove on to Black Hill just south east of Clun for a walk and then on the Sunday morning I climbed up onto Croft Ambrey. Again this was another warm and bright sunny day with excellent autumn colours and views. It was just good to be out o both days getting some long needed exercise and fresh air. I have felt a bit bogged down recently and here was a rare opportunity to just get out and cycle and walk.

Drumming on the Hills

The past few weeks of beautiful warm summer sunshine has enticed me out to various locations with my drum. In early June I travelled up to Croft Ambrey (in Herefordshire) after work in the hope of watching the sunset over the Welsh hills. I didn't quite manage to get there on time, but I was rewarded with a wonderfully warm and quiet period of space up on the hill top. The May blossom on the various hawthorns on the hillside was superb and as the evening light faded I had a very peaceful, yet expressive time in the landscape I love so much.


Last weekend I happened to be awake at about 3.15am on a restless night and decided that this would be a good opportunity to go and watch the sunrise on the Pegsdon Hills near Hitchin. Not being sure at what time sunrise was, I wasn't too sure I would get there on time as it was already getting light. I strapped my drum to the back of my bike and cycled off through the country lanes, with the moon watching me, and up the hill above Pegsdon. It was a tiny bit chilly, the sky was clear of coud and the views were superb. I found a space to sit just sheltered from the cool breeze and at that moment the bright orange sun just began to emerge from the haze on the distant horizon. I think it was about 4.55am. My drum wasn't really in the mood for playing - being a bit flat in the cold and dampness of the early dawn.

Where have I been?

Here I am in the middle of June and this blog seems so distant to me. I have written so little this year because my energy seems to need to be directed elsewhere.

Work is thoroughly rewarding and challenging and I do enjoy it but it has been demanding and it has taken me a while to settle into the new working environment from a psychological point of view. It has been mentally tiring at times and settling into a balance is taking time. My hands have been troubled with RSI and I am having to work hard with self-physiotherapy to calm things down. This has meant that I have been unwilling to use my hands for typing at home. Thankfully, I am now much better and none of my work has been affected.

Much to my annoyance, I also seem to have been afflicted with periods of deep anxiety and I am hopefully overcoming this with exercise, meditation and self-awareness exercises. It all seems pathetic really as all I am doing is well within my ability but, again, I feel as though I am trying to find a balance.

My back went on me a few weeks ago and so I am trying to get that back in order too.

This seems to have been a Spring of readjustment and mental struggle to the new situation in which I find myself.

My Permaculture Course is superb and I now have only one more weekend in July to complete.

The vegetables in the garden are doing well but I am not sure if I will continue with the allotment as I can't put much effort into it. The garden is easy to micro-manage whereas the allotment is a small drive away and not quite so easy to visit. I will re-evaluate it at the end of the year.

I've been out with my drum to various locations: a drumming group, the hills of Herefordshire, my permaculture course and the garden summerhouse.

Blessings.

Reflection on creative thought

At last the evenings have been getting warmer and, although still a little on the chilly side, I have managed to spend an hour in the summerhouse tonight without shivvering. With a candle, drum and some newly acquired 'Ceridwen'incense I felt able to relax and draw upon some deeply needed inspiration.

I've written a few things in my sketchpad over the past few weeks that somehow haven't made it to this blog. I don't think I have been deeply inspired which feels a little strange perhaps as Spring is beginning to arise all around me. The winter has been long and cold but now the maiden of spring is dancing over the landscape and things are bursting forth - or something like that! It may be because I have started a new job and all the energy and focus that I had to plough into my previous 'existence' is now having a rest and my soul work is taking a back seat whilst I just get on with walking my new path. I'm able to relax a little now in that sense and yet would very much like to redirect my spirtual nature into its new framework and look for a new direction.

I pray for clarity of thought and the ability to just get my brain thinking about things and being more creative. Often it just seems to clog up and stall and can't grasp even simple things or think clearly. Perhaps I am just getting older and need to develop exercises to just unlock more exploratory and creative thinking. Perhaps I need to dig out "The Artists Way" again and do some more daily journalling. It is just discipline though snd creating space in the day to do it. Or perhaps I should develop somthing else; or do more exercise, drink less coffee....

Principles of Permaculture

I have begun my Permaculture Design course which will last for six weekends from now until July.

In the first introductory weekend I learnt about 12 principles of Permaculture which can be applied to any system - ecological, horticultural or social:

• Integrate rather than segregate


• Observe and Interact


• Use small and slow solutions


• Design from patterns to details


• Apply self-regulation and accept feedback


• Use and value renewable resourcesd and services


• Use edges and value the marginal


• Obtain a yield


• Use and value diversity


• Produce no waste


• Creatively use and respond to change

New Job

I am now almost two weeks into my new job and have so far not regretted moving one bit. Leaving my old work place was very hard because, I think, it was like leaving a small and dark cardboard box in which I had been encased for too long. I had become very emotionally attached to the the people there which was probably some sort of survival mechanism. I know that I had been in that place for a reason: either to learn something new, to be a stepping stone to further my career or perhaps something more subtle - to influence or change something or someone in some way (or to be changed or influenced). I believe there was spiritual reason for me to be in that place but now I almost feel as though I have been released from the rather strange energy that held me there until a few weeks ago.

My new workplace is full of a new and vibrant energy and I am still rather amazed at why I have found myself in such a creative, friendly and welcoming environment. Things may change: there will be challenging work situations and the pressure to be creative and meet deadlines will be tough at times but I feel confident I can grow and be part of the team there. I am surrounded by many very talented designers and illustrators and, as I am always a bit modest about my talents, I can find that a bit overwhelming. I am a bit of a Jack of All Trades when it comes to design and never quite know where I fit.

One of the hardest things to get used to is that I have more free time in the day. I can leave home half an hour later in morning and I get half an hour more at lunchtime. What is also rather pleasant is that there are some footpaths around where I work so I can get out into some fields or parkland and get more exercise and fresh air during the day.

Hopton Titterhill and Black Hill: Part 4

Saturday 6 March 2010
I walk into the valley. I climb down the very steep hillside through the discarded wood and tree stumps of the felled trees to the tiny stream that I can hear way below me. Its source can't be far away, the hilltop rises above me up a narrow and steep-sided valley. A gentle trickle of water, bubbling and gurgling over the shale. I put a hand into the water. it is cold. I cup my hand and lift some water to taste it. It feels soft and smooth with a string earthy taste. I don't swallow it.

It is sheltered down here aware from the cool breeze of the hilltop. The stream is a source of life and energy in the valley. Flowing, following its course, a habitat for the stream-side saxifrages and the damp loving loving mosses that encase the overhanging trees.

What is the central stream that flows through me and my life? What nourishes and sustains me? In this valley is a persistent yet delicate stream- so easily changed by the weather and other environmental or human factors. Yet its function is to carry water through the valley safely. I must take care of the stream in my life. And the sound is continuous, no ebb and flow like the wind. The stream is. It does what is has to do. It is strong and unstoppable. It has to be or else land would flood. It has a continuous physical dynamic to outwork: to flow downhill.

I now have to leave this place and do other things. This has been a a day for writing, for looking at the landscape around me and for framing the big changes that are occurring in my life.

Thank you for this day.